Why Everybody Hates Editorials
By Steve Dixon
Ever wonder why IZC and MHQ have so many editorials? Well, the obvious answers would be that they're easy to make and half of Iced Gaming's staff is under the control of the editorial department. But the real answer is more complex. My theory is as follows:
It's a conspiracy.
A big conspiracy.
A long, long time ago, in the heart of the country, a diabolical plan was constructed. A plan that would make people rich. The staff of Ice's Zelda Central had thought up a way to get almost daily updates, while doing little or no work. It was the editorial department. The logic was that they would put subliminal messages in the editorials that would make the readers click the website's banners ten times a day. It was a brilliant plan concocted by brilliant people. But it went bad in a hurry. One afternoon, a young man, whom we shall call S. Dixon... wait, is that too obvious? Then we'll call him Steve D.
Anyway, Steve got a job at IZC. He would write the editorials, and the webmaster, who we'll call "Cold Guy" to conceal his identity, would hide the secret messages inside the editorial when he added it to the page. All was going well. Steve promised to provide weekly editorials for the site, and for a while was true to his word.
Then Steve started slacking off.
With the editorials coming in only once every three weeks, the messages weren't coming in frequently enough to keep the hidden messages active in the visitor's brains. The subliminal messages lost their grip on the visitors, and the plan was aborted. The banners were removed from the site, and that was the end.
The other possibility is that the editorials are boring as heck and nobody likes them, but wasn't my theory more fun?
Remember; there's more to what you're reading than what you're reading. Why, messages of any sort could be hidden within this article! The next editorial you read could convince you that Barney is entertaining, it could convince you that China has America's well being at heart when stealing our nuclear secrets, or it could even kill you.
So remember to come back this Friday when Maniacal Clown posts his weekly editorial!
