Top Ten Enemies of the Future
By Maniacal Clown
Everybody's always coming up with new enemies they wish they could see in their favorite Zelda games. Some lists are humorous. Some are serious. Those who know ME, know this: I can't do *anything* seriously. So, submitted for your approval...my slightly humorous list of enemies I'd like to see in Zelda: Gaiden (Mask of Mujala).
#10: Ricky Martin - Nobody can deny that the Latin-pop sensation is absolutely evil. I can just see a fifty-foot version of Ricky breathing fire and trying to step on Link with his so-called "dancing." Killing The Rickster would be relatively easy. All Link has to do is whip out the ol' stereo speakers and force The Bon Bon Shakin' Guy to listen to a lottle bit of REAL music!
#9: Justin Nichols - Imagine a short guy with a scrunched face, pointy ears, and an evil expression. The little weasel gets on your good side, earns your trust, and then stabs you in the back...literally...
#8: Maniacal Clown - See number nine but add colored face paint, a big red nose, and a sharp hat...a GINSU-sharp hat!...
#7: The Taco Bell Dog - Yo Quiero Link's Head! Need I say more?
#6: Woody AKA Conrad VanderWoude - He slowly steals all of your weapons, one by one, until you're completely defensless. ;)
#5: Q - Yes...the Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation. An omnipotent enemy would certainly cause the degree of difficulty games have been looking for. Plus, his "killer" wit would make for some great comedic moments. Unlike that last pun...
#4: Dr. Evil - I'm on of those few people who think The Bad Doctor would make a kick-smeg villian for anything. (Welcome to my eeevil hideout, Mr. Link...) Though, when i think about it, I'm also very strange...
#3: Michael Lantzen AKA Leahcim - The infamous administrator of the server that the old HTLOZ chat was on. I can remember about two people who don't despise him. I'm in-between myself, but I'd still love to give him a good butt-whupin'!
#2: Anyone on the HTLOZ Staff - I have this strange urge to severly hurt people who work for something extremely popular yet never do any real "work." So sue me...
AND THE NUMBER ONE ENEMY I'D LIKE TO SEE IN ZELDA: GAIDEN IS...
#1: The Vogons - Only those of you who have read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will understand this. The slimy green ones will force Link to listen to awful, health-draining poetry until he dies or ends up a mindless zombie! Anyway, if you've never read the book, I suggest you do. And with that suggestion, I bring this editorial turned plug for Mr. Adams' book to a close. Until next Time: Remember that Top 10 lists are a great excuse for not doing any work. Keep that in mind the next time YOU'VE got huge tests coming up! ;)
~Maniacal Clown
Taking Insanity to New Heights...
