How Sega Missed Their Chance to Compete with Nintendo
By Timbo
In about 1993, Sega were an ok company that produced games and consoles. They particarly liked making games about a blue hedgehog. This was all fine and dandy, their games were all pretty much the same as Nintendo's Mario, but then... Sony sent out their first and greatest warrior; the Playstation. Nintendo thought "Well, bugger me, we might just need a bigger machine!" So they grabbed a few mainframes and put together today's leading machine. But what did Sega do all this time? They were busy trying to finish their own games! After about 2 years on Sonic 1, they noticed something. No one was buying their games anymore! So they looked a little further, and then noticed that there were newer, bigger and more powerful systems on the market. They thought "Ark! We need a more powerful system, ja?" So they pulled apart their Microwaves and paid a man who we shall call Bill.G, wait, that's to obvious. Let's call him B.Gates. Anyway they paid him everything in their piggy banks to put together a new machine, which they very strangly called the Saturn. And then they thought it would be cool to release it with no advertising. Yep, none at all. Nintendo had plenty of stuff for Mario Kart, but Sega wanted to be cool. And then they thought "Let's have no games to start with, ja?" So they released it with no games. 18 months later. Nintendo 64 still rules the gaming industry, closely followed by PlayStation, and then the Game Boy Color. And, now Sega doesn't even make the list, to be recognized as one of the world's leading gaming companies. Sony announce their new machine, The PSX 2. Looks like a purple vibrator if you ask me. Nintendo announce the Dolphin (What is it with these names?!? Is it cool to have gay names for your consoles?). Then, Sega, receiving an anonomous letter telling them that the Saturn is considered to be more dead than JFK, decide to make another console. Will they screw it up? Did they screw it up? The answer is: Yes. They did screw it up. And here's why. Basically the same reasons. Another totally pansy name. A total lack of advertising. I have seen one, yes one, ad for the Dreamcast. I have seen it twice, but still the same ad. And no ads for games? Are they trying to screw up? I head down to my local Toys 'R' Us store, to check out the new challenger. I get one of those store clecrk guys to help me out. On the way to the Sega section, I notice that there is about ten people in the Nintendo section, and about ten in the Sony section. Interesting. In the Sega section, one person. A guy playing a Demo of Sonic. It turned out that he thought it was a new game for the PC. Told you, a total lack of advertising. Anway, how much did the new Dreamcast cost? $500. Wow, for that price it must include a game. But no, you get one console and one control pad. What a freakin' rip off! I'll just go home and water the money tree! What about that internet connection stuff? Nope, that isn't ready yet, and the online games playing network isn't ready until February. Alright, I thought. We'll see what I can get. I asked if Sega had any games out yet. Nope, there are no Sega games currently out. And they said there was going to be 26 on the launch. I could however, choose from five different third party games. Brilliant. Alright, then, how much is an extra control pad for my friends? No, sorry, they're not ready yet. How about a memory card, for saving game data? No way, not ready yet. Well well. Sega, you heard it from me. You officially suck ass. You thought the release of the Dreamcast was bad? This is going into the Guiness Book of Records, under "Worst Advertising and Marketing Ploy in History". After the clerk was finished, I thought "What a load a crap!" So I pulled out my Sawn - Off Pump Action shotgun, and said "Hand over all the money that you have made this year from selling Sega stuff!" The clerk said quietly "We haven't made any money from selling Sega stuff this year, or last year." Click. I put my shotgun on safe and said "It's ok buddy, we all make mistakes. Just not this big." Then I left, came home and wrote this. In conclusion: Nintendo r da bomb, Sony make some sick games, and in a few years nobody will even know who Sega are (or were).
