Letters
August 19th, 1998
Trash Navie Day!!!
SCNWO writes: I really love your site, and I'm not trying to criticize or make fun of you guys in any way, but what does that Celine Dion (I don't know how to spell her name) song, "My Heart Will Go On," have to do with Zelda? I mean, I went to the Moblin's Spear and Family Values, and it was playing. I mean no offense to you guys, but why did you pick that cheap song out of all the great ones you guys have?
Ice: I just try to use a variety of songs. A lot of the girls and stuff I know simply adore that song, so I decided to put it up there. It kind of fits the Story section well.
Navie: I hate the Titanic song.
Ice: Oh, and welcome to TRASH NAVIE DAY!!! So, thanks to your idiotic response, I'll just have to do what I do best: trash you out! Only a freak like you would hate a song of such... uh... complexity. The only reason you hate it is because of that really loud, blaring siren sound that you hear during the whole piece. And do your know what that sound is? A dog whistle!!! Come on, staff! Let her have it!
JMK: HEY EVERYBODY, NAVIE IS A FAIRY!!! I'm sure the Titanic song doesn't like you either, you dumb, orange-haired bi... bimbo! If you ever talked to me like you talk to Ice or some of the visitors I'd stick my foot in your a*s!! Well, on second thought, maybe I wouldn't. You'd like it too much. Plus, I wouldn't want to get my foot stuck!!!
J-Man: This is going to be a great day.
Navie: Great day my a*s! Trash Navie Day? Ohhh, you people will pay dearly for this...
SCNWO writes again: I was just wondering, when Zelda 64 is released, are you guys still going to update your site for those first two weeks or so? I know that when I get my copy on November 23 (I pre-ordered mine in January), and start playing it in my basement on my 57-inch tv, I probably won't come up to eat Thanksgiving dinner! I remember the first day I got A Link to the Past, I played it almost three days straight.
Ice: Of course we'll keep updating the site. After all, it's Ice's Zelda Central, not Ice's Zelda 64 Central. This is mainly a site for all the Zelda games, not just Zelda 64. It's a gathering place for any and all fans of the great video game series.
Navie: Preach it.
Ice: If you insist, you obnoxious little fairy! LOSE WEIGHT!!!
JMK: Nobody wants to hear your trashy little comments, Navie. So you might as well just shut your fat trap. By the way, has anyone else ever noticed that nobody likes Navie?!?! Hmmm.... I WONDER WHY?!?!?!?!
Navie: I'll have you know, you initial-crazed fool, that I have a very dedicated fan out there named Irma. So there!
Ice: Is that the best you can do? And I've seen a pic of your boyfriend. And once again, I ask, is that the best you can do?
J-Man: Yeah,Navie,you suck.You've sucked since birth,and you'll suck to the grave you annoying little faerie.
Navie: J-Man, you're going down.
Ray Steitz (Boba Fett) writes: I HAVE SOME STARTALING NEWS- NAIVE WORSHIPS GAYSATATION!!!!!!!!
Navie: I have even more startling news - RAY IS GAY!!!
Ice: Hey, JMK, this is the guy that trashed you out for the comics thing. Take a break from Navie for awhile.
JMK: HEY HOMO, YOU SPELLED NAVIE, STARTLING, AND GAYSTATION WRONG!! HEY EVERYBODY, RAY'S A FAG!!!! From now on, whenever we hear from Rey, his new name will now officially be "Gay Rey"!! Hey Gay Rey, say, I thought I told you not to ever write back unless you apologized. Now, it seems you have written back... and no apology!! What does that mean?? That means you are now the official Zelda Central DUMB-A*S!! So how does it feel to be an idiot? I've met alot of morons in my life, but Gay Rey, you really take the cake!! You'd almost have to TRY to be that stupid!! You must have REALLY smart parents!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she sits on the T.V., and watches the couch!! Yo' momma's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics"!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she jumped out the window and went up!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she bought a videocamera to record cable T.V. shows at home!! Yo' momma's so stupid that when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead!! Yo' momma's so stupid that she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes!! Yo' momma's so stupid that when your DAD said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon!! HEY EVERYBODY, CHECK THE MESSAGE BOARD IN THE VILLAGE AFTER YOU FINISH READING LETTERS!!!
Ice: Geez, and I thought I was good!
J-Man: JMK,my friend,you rock.Plain and simple.
Navie: Couldn't have done better myself.
Ice: We know.
Ray writes again: sorry i spelt it wrong i meant GAYSTATION!!!! NAIVE WORSHIPS GAYSTATION!!!!!!
Ice: Uh, no comment. Use your imagination.
JMK: YOU "SPELT" IT WRONG?!?! "GO BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL" STUPID-A*S!!!
J-Man: Man,this guy is thick.Almost as thick as Navie.
Navie: Um, the only high degree of thickness here is YOU, J-Freak.
Bubba writes: Owchies! I am the itch of the universe! I like hot dogs in my finger! Flabby! Ouchies! Yowsers! Navie is gay! Oh yes! Yowsers! Ouchies! Navie is the scum in my brother's green toenail! Yowsers! Ouchies! OOGA!!! OOGA!!!
Navie: What the hell?
Ice: That's your type of guy, Navie.
JMK: Hey Navie, yo' momma's so fat that we're in her right now!! Yo' momma's so fat that people jog around her for exercise!! Yo' momma's so fat that she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!! Yo' momma's so fat that she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors!! Yo' mamma's so fat that you have to roll over twice to get off her!! Yo' momma's so fat that she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she lies on the beach, people run around yelling "Free Willy!"!! Yo' momma's so fat that when you get on top of her, your ears pop!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she has sex, she has to give directions!! Yo' momma's so fat that she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay!"!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say "Taxi!"!! Yo' momma's so fat that she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!! Yo' momma's so fat that she has to iron her pants on the driveway!! Yo' momma's so fat that she has to put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!! Yo' momma's so fat that she's got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too!! Yo' momma's so fat that the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!! Yo' momma's so fat that when she steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please"!! Yo' momma's so fat that she fell in love and broke it!! Yo' momma's so fat that she jumped up in the air and got stuck!!
J-Man: Yo,Navie! Yo Mamma so fat she has a vvalk-in belly button!
Jumbo Jimbo writes: Hey navie, your stupid! You are so stupid that you got locked in Bl;ockbuster and couldn't find anything to do! You're fat!
Ice: Couldn't have said it better myself... I think.
Navie: Jimbo, dude, shut up.
Ice: Navie, you're just going to have to sort out what you can't change about yourself, and go on. The way you pretend to be something that your not is undoubtably damaging to you, not only psychologically, but also emotionally and physically (let's not go there). I think you should turn off the TV (Barney gets real old after awhile), look yourself in the mirror, and accept yourself the way that you are. Slamming other people may help you to feel good for the moment, but the root of the problem is your inability to communicate with others and accept yourself. Your phychiactric evaluation will be $120.00
J-Man: Amen,Brother,amen!
Barno writes: Hi. Ice, why do you keep Navie around? She's annoying and all she does is cuss at people and tell them off and stuff. She's an idiot!
Ice: Well, normally, I wouldn't take advice from a guy named "Barno", but he does have a point.
J-Man: Yes sir,a very good point!
